Losing count of the days

I started this year with a promise to myself. A promise to take a picture every single day. I failed, and for some reason (among many others, foremost that I feel like the beginning of the year was literally a lifetime ago) the failure of that alone robbed me of something magical in my picture taking. To be fair, it might have more to do with a severe lack of inspiration (I know, I know, who could not be inspired with a cute little bug like mine running around?)

The truth is that life, as she so often does, got in the way. You see, she tricked me. I have had three wonderful, beautiful, blissful years of peace. Hard earned, hard fought for, pure and simple peace. To those who have a lot of it (or none at all I suppose) this was a big deal. It filled my heart so full I felt certain it was bound to burst by the perfectness of my life.

Lest I start sounding all kinds of dramatic, let me assure you that nothing has really changed. I haven't lost anyone close to me, my little love, husband, friends, family etc are all healthy and well for the most part. To be entirely honest, I'm not sure what exactly robbed me of my peace. Maybe nothing big at all, but a million small pains and griefs, tiny (and not so tiny) pinpricks of darkness that eased (or bulldozed) their way in.

I think we all have a cloud of darkness that follows us. It stays away for the most part, slipping in and out with very little rain and heartache. But every once in a while the cloud just sticks. And sticks, and sticks. Mine seems to be trying very hard to make herself a permanent resident, but I'm too darned stubborn to let it stick.

Let me backtrack here for a second and make a few statements for those who maybe don't know me. I am not depressed. I have rarely been depressed for more than a few hours or days at a time, and I'm not even sure that was depression, just normal grief. I am a happy person 100% in love with my life.

I am a fighter. I am not a quitter. Which brings me back to the beginning of this post before my rantings started (and now that you're all quite convinced of my neurosis.) I will not quit taking pictures. I will strive to find inspiration wherever she may hide. I will force the sunshine back in, cause I'm sick and tired of the rain.

Mostly I will take every single sweet, pure moment of peace and cling to it for all its worth. Almost always that will come in the form of an amazing three year old and the man who helped me make her. Often times it will come in the form of friends who drop by with mimosas at 10am for an impromptu play dates, or those who sit for hours on the phone talking about all manner of weird, girly things, or weekly martini nights with some pretty awesome friends. (And now that you probably think I'm both manically depressed AND an alcoholic I'm thinking I should move on to some pictures). These were all taken randomly on different days with no agenda ahead of me. They were taken because some moments are so sweet, so pure, that you have to chase them and bottle them up. Sometimes it's not until we open up those bottles that the sunshine comes flooding back in. Welcome back old friend, you have been missed.